I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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