If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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