Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
