I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
