no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
