So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
