Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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