There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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