We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
