"it" just moved
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
