Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
