There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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