Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
