I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
