i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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