So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
