The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
