Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Boobs speak an international language.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
