we have pet lesbian snakes
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
