put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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