Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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