The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I did not marry a roomba.
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