We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
