I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize