Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
