It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
