It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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