My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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