wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize