I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
