My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
