I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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