Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
