Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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