Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will pee on everything he values.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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