Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
