how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
