I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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