Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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