I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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