If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
