my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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