She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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