I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize