yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
