haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
