Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
