omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
