dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
