Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
