I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
