you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
