sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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