i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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