Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
