Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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