STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize