I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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