I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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