i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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