cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
