you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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