I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize