if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
