Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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