theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think my moral compass just broke
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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