I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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