Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
