he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
