my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize