when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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