you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
