he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
