I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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