Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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