I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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