WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
