i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
