Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
