Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
