remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
