I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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