When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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