It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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