worst night to have a conscience
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
