I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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