just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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