i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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