well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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