do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
