Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
