i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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