Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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